Saudade
by HikarinRin
Summary: Shattering. Pieces by pieces. Moving on. Keeping on. Giving up. Kuroko doesn't know how to do it anymore, so can you guess which way that he will choose? / Bad at Summary / Pairing are hidden / Mature, Lemon, Yaoi, Tragedy, Angst, Fluff, Romance / R18
1. Chapter 1

**Saudade**

Disclaimer : Tadatoshi Fujimaki

Pairing : Hidden

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Romance, Mature, Lemon, Tragedy, Twisted.

Warning : I'm not good at tragedy, and this is fast-paced plot.

Rating : R18+ . !Continue at your own risk .!

By : Hikari Rin .

Read at Fanfiction . net Application in GooglePlay for a better view.

.

 **CHAPTER 1**

.

Another bright morning is passing by with a big smile of the small-built male and a lovin peck on the lips from the taller male with a tan skin and well-built body.

"Good morning, Tetsu", said the taller man with navy blue hair.

"Good morning, Aomine-kun", the smaller one replied with a big smile.

Aomine Daiki and Kuroko Tetsuya. Have been going out for 6 years since highschool and now they're under the same roof for already almost 3 years. They're really a perfect match that you can't describe with words.

They went into different university. Aomine and Momoi in one university and Kuroko is one university with Midorima Shintarou—of course different majority.

Aomine is a famous basketball player andeveryone knows that Aomine always picking up Tetsu after classes if he can. They're always so lovey dovey and catching people's attentions. However, i can guarantee you that you won't get tired of watching them.

"Do you have any class today, Aomine-kun?", Kuroko looked up at Aomine with his baby-blue eyes, while his bed hair is still as amazing as ever.

"Yeah, this afternoon. Why?", Aomine asked curiously as he leans forward to make his face close to Kuroko's.

"N-Nothing, Aomine-kun", Kuroko's face somehow blushing so he stepped back and averting his gaze for a little while, "Anyway, when you'll be returned?"

"Around 7 o'clock, i guess. I have basketball practice against Kagami's team."

"Okay then.", somehow there's a slight happiness that can be seen through Kuroko's eyes, because its a coincidence that he doesn't have any class today and he have so much enough time to surprise his beloved-boyfriend.

.

"I'm home", a very unique low voice can be heard from the entrance hall by Kuroko. A big 'thud!' can be heard and Kuroko can bet that Aomine is throwing his things all around the places like usual.

"Oooi, Tetsu. Where are you?", Aomine said lazily as he put himself to sit comfortably on the couch. But then, his eyes widened up.

"Welcome back, Master"

Infront of Aomine, Kuroko wearing a very open-up maid dress that's too much for Aomine to handle. That white porcelain skin can be seen perfectly from the crook of Kuroko's neck until Kuroko's smooth thihgs. Kuroko smiles calmly as he doesn't want to break the image that he kept.

"I know you're tired today, Aomine-kun. So, i'm going to give you a good service to enjoy.", Kuroko said calmly as he squats down and positioning himself infront of Aomine's crotch.

"Whoa—Hold on, Tetsu—Ngh—!", Aomine groans in pleasure as Kuroko's soft lips already kissing his bulge lovingly, as Kuroko slowly pulling down Aomine's brief, letting out that 'monster' out from it's 'jail'.

His brain is still not working properly and he's trying to figure out what's happening. But until then, it might be the best for him to shut up and enjoy the sensation of being blown.

.

Kuroko sitting on Aomine's laps while he's already full naked, and his face is red from sweating and pleasures that he gets. Something to mention, Kuroko still wearing his black and tight stocking.

With Aomine's thick shaft inside him, naughty noises can be heard all over the room. The squelching sound and Kuroko's sweet moaning sounds can be heard everytime Kuroko and Aomine moves their hips and meeting their 'Heaven'.

Kuroko—hardly breathing, suddenly stopped moving his hips and looks at Aomine, "Aomine-kun.. Do you know what day is today?", asked Kuroko as his body is still jolting from the stimulation inside him.

"... Wednesday?", Aomine asked plainly as he pull Kuroko closer by his hips.

".. It's our 7th anniversary, Aomine-kun. That's why i'm cosplayi—Ngh—Ah~!", his sentence was being cut by his loud and sweet moans.

"Come on, Tetsu. We can talk about our anniversary later. But for now..", he pushed Kuroko to lay on the couch and he's on top of him, ".. Let me enjoy my tasty main dish, won't you?", he grins naughtily as he lick his lips seductively.

"But, Aomine-kun—Ahhn—!", he moans even louder as Aomine begin to thrust his length into Kuroko again, hardly bumping against the smaller male's prostate. Aomine's hands also being so naughty, its crawling on Kuroko's chest and playing with his nipples—twisting it, pinching it, and flicking it—,making the other screaming and jolting in pleasure.

The night was really long and they spent it with making love passionately, tangling their fingers all night long, exchanging their saliva, feeling each other's body heat, and hearing each other's heartbeats—knowing that they complete each other and they are there.

There for each other and Kuroko feels really complete with Aomine beside him. And somehow, his depression slowly being cured by the other's presence—his beloved boyfriend.

.

The morning finally come. Kuroko is comfortably sleeping in Aomine's arm—clinging tightly to the other's chest as he felt Aomine's warmth keeping him safe and sound.

Aomine look at Kuroko's face and put his bangs away from his baby face, looking at that fragile little boy inside. He took a glance to Kuroko's wrists—so much cutting wounds that are too deep to get healed.

"It's about the time, huh..", Aomine speaks to himself while a sad frown come to his face.

.

Kuroko shrugging uncomfortably as he heard the sound of things being moved and busy footsteps going here and there. Also, he felt really lost and the warmth that he know is gone. He decided to wake up. He yawns, rubbing his eyes, and sits—trying to adjust his vision so he can see everything clearly.

".. Aomine-kun...?", Kuroko widens his eyes up as soon as he found out about what's going on.

"Ah, Tetsu. You woke up just in time. I was about to leave you a note before i leave.", Aomine shrugging and saying things so calmly as he keep moving things around and taking his things from here and there, picking his things up and boxing it in categories.

Kuroko immediately stands up and grabs Aomine's shirt as his knees start to tremble. His pupils also getting smaller due a shock. It's a like a nightmare for him.

"W-what do you mean by leave, Aomine-kun..?", his voice start to shake.

"Tetsu.. You know... Nn... I think.. We... Should break up. I mean, it's not going to work out, you know. And my mom starting to ask me about grandchildren. And after that matter, you're not a girl and you can't give a birth. And another thing, Homosexuals can't get married here. Also, i don't have enough money to do it in U.S.A too.", Aomine shrugs as he avert his eyes, trying to avoid looking at Kuroko's face.

"From your point of view, life is not that easy and simple, Tetsu. Sometimes... Happiness is just not for everyone and you need to face it someday. This is just... not going to work. I'm sorry, Tetsu. Thank you for everything, for after all of these years that you've been taking care of my selfish things.", Aomine bows.

 _Huh?_

 _Wait._

 _What?_

 _He's going to leave me..?_

Kuroko slowly breaking down. And all Aomine can do is just, scratching his head. Doesn't know what to do, and doesn't intend to do anything either.

.

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

**Saudade**

Disclaimer : Tadatoshi Fujimaki

Pairing : Hidden

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Romance, Mature, Lemon, Tragedy, Twisted.

Warning : I'm not good at tragedy, and this is fast-paced plot.

Rating : R18+ . !Continue at your own risk .!

By : Hikari Rin .

Read at Fanfiction . net Application in GooglePlay for a better view.

.

 **CHAPTER 2**

.

Kuroko sits in the living room, drowning in his own thoughts as his eyes glazing like a new broken glass. His eyes are empty, and there's no more light of life inside that sky blue eyes. He's staring into the emptiness and thinking about what went wrong.

.

"This is just.. not going to work, Tetsu. I'm sorry. I will leave in shortly.", Aomine explains as he scratch his head, then he avert his gaze as soon as he saw Kuroko's eyes.

"B-but, A-Aomine-kun—", Kuroko's voice starts to tremble and cracking up. He holds onto Aomine's shirt even tighter. Aomine notices it, of course, and he glance at the smaller man's grip. He just felt so bad and he swats Kuroko's hand away from his shirt.

"That. That's it what is wrong, Tetsu. That's it. I'm so sorry, but it's over.", Aomine said, finally declaring their break-up.

Kuroko staring at Aomine as Aomine leaves with his things, slowly but surely. He just freeze there as his eyes slowly losing its light. He stares onto that hand that he used to hold.

He stares onto that board shoulder of Aomine's the one that used to hold him tightly if he's breaking down at 3 in the morning, the one that used to hold him tightly that his shattering pieces of heart are finally coming back into one.

"Thank you, Tetsu."

That was the last sentence that he remembers about Aomine. The sentence that clearing everything up. The sentence that he finally know that have another meaning than appreciation.

The sentence that slap him really hard.

The sentence that... he doesn't want to understand or to hear.

.

Kuroko looks around with that empty and lifeless eyes of him.

It's empty.

It's not the room that actually empty. It's just the pieces of him that lost with Aomine's presence. He just doesn't realize it now.

He remember that he hadn't cried since Aomine leave. He hadn't shed a single tear. His voice was breaking and trembling that day, but no, he can't cry.

He stands up and go to the bathroom limply. He looks at the mirror for a minute and stares at the figure on that mirror. His cheeks are shallow, his lips are pale, he got big eyebags under his eyes, and his hair is just really a mess. After taking a long stare at his own figure, he proceed to the bathroom, taking the razor with him. He sits on the bathtub filled with water and then starts to harm himself.

His cutting habbit already healed by Aomine for these years, but seems like it's popping out again today because he's breaking down really bad.

"I'm not perfect.", he give a slice on his thin arm.

"I'm worthless.", another slice.

"Nobody wants me.", another slice.

"I'm not someone that people wants to keep", slice.

"They are all a lie.", slice.

 _Slice._

 _Slice._

 _Slice._

.

Kuroko's head is stinging as he tries to wake up and adjusting his blurry vision. He looks at the unusual ceiling and he's starting to frown.

"This isn't my room.."

"Yeah, it isn't, Kuroko. Finally you opened your eyes-nanodayo.", a cold and very unique tone that he knows since so long.

"It's the hospital room. Attempts of suicide again after a long time, huh? I thought you already healed.". Midorima Shintarou, a famous genius young doctor with green hair and glasses as an identification, who have been looking after Kuroko everytime he's dying and attempting a suicide for many years.

"Oh..", Kuroko said and then he close his eyes again.

"Oh wait, Midorima-kun", he suddenly confused and everything just doesn't make sense for him right now.

"What is it, Kuroko?", Midorima turns around before leaving the room.

"Who contacted the ambulance? I mean.. i'm alone now, so..", Kuroko somehow trying to avoid the topic that he hate the most right now.

Midorima silent for a few seconds and then he understand the reason of Kuroko's attempt of suicide. "That bastard..", Midorima curses under his breath. Kuroko have been in many tough situation since he was a little and innocent, and there's no wonder that he harm himself again.

After such a loss, of course he's breaking down again. Midorima understand that better than anyone could ever be, and he of course avoiding that topic too for the best of this fragile small male in front of him now.

"Kagami. Kagami was about to visit you and ask you to play one on one with him, and then your door wasn't locked. He barge in because he's worried and found you in the bathtub withyour cutting wounds that filling the bathtub with fresh blood. He didn't call the ambulance. He picks you up and runs with his feet to the hospital while trying to search for me", Midorima explain everything slowly.

"Oii, Kuroko?", another manly voice, higher than Aomine, more powerful than Aomine, making Kuroko twitch and jolt in surprise.

"Oh, he came. I'll take my leave. Rest well, Kuroko. You will be discharged tomorrow. And don't worry about the fees, i've paid it all.", said Midorima and then he takes his leave.

.

"Kagami-kun..", Kuroko said as he look at the taller man limply. Kagami's build is not far from Aomine , but he got a lighter skin. His eyes are dark red that always shine a bright fighting spirit. His hair is still catching people's attention like always, bright red and a shading of black in the end of the strands.

Kagami Taiga, a famous basketball player in Japanese with Aomine Daiki. Their popularity is really high and they're always on the top, and none of them is the second—both of them are number one.

"Maaa... You scared me so bad, Kuroko. Just when i thought that you already stop with that stupid habbit of yours. Oh no- don't mention that thing. I know that jerk left you."

Kuroko only stares at his wrist that full of fresh wound.

"Something bad that you should know now..", Kagami scratch his head as he looks away. He seems so hesitate about it and really unsure about his next action.

"What is it, Kagami-kun?", Kuroko somehow got a bad feeling as he look at Kagami that fidgeting and sweating really hard. Kagami's eyes starting to full of worries.

Kagami throws an invitation. A card of wedding invitation. "That. Tomorrow. You should go with me.", Kagami stares at Kuroko's that making a shocked eyes, his pupils start to shrink and his hands are trembling.

Kuroko's eyes widen up and his fingers are clutching tightly against the bedsheet. A crave of names that he knew so well, can be seen perfectly on the front card display.

Aomine Daiki & Momoi Satsuki.

Ah, it's almost half a year since his break up, and it's only feels like 3 days for Kuroko. He really lost himself and his is beating so fast, showing an anxiety. He's sweating and trembling, he starts to bite his lips nervously.

He only can stares and then smiles plainly to Kagami, "I guess... i'll come. But stay with me, Kagami-kun..", Kuroko's voice somehow breaking again, and all Kagami can do is just sit beside the bed and stares at Kuroko, confused about how to calm his little partner.

.

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Chapter 3

**Saudade**

Disclaimer : Tadatoshi Fujimaki

Pairing : Hidden

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Romance, Mature, Lemon, Tragedy, Twisted.

Warning : I'm not good at tragedy, and this is fast-paced plot.

Rating : R18+ . !Continue at your own risk .!

By : Hikari Rin .

Read at Fanfiction . net Application in GooglePlay for a better view.

Notes : I'm sorry for a long update I have exams and i just sprained my right wrist, but i'm still gonna update because i love you, guys~

.

 **CHAPTER 3**

.

Kuroko in his suit, black tuxedo with a baby blue tie that match his hair that he brush neatly. Beside him, Kagami with his suit, black tuxedo with red maroon bow tie that match his hair that he silk to the back—making him even look hotter than he already is.

After Kagami go out from the door, Kuroko freezes and somehow he gets all nervous so bad. His hands are cold and sweating. He's scared. He's scared to meet Aomine. He's not ready to see the more hurtful truth.

But then, those feelings suddenly vanished.

Kagami takes Kuroko's hand as he smile, "Kuroko, don't worry. I'm here. I'll never leave you".

That simple and beautiful sentence somehow managed to break Kuroko's heart. Kagami is so kind that Kuroko finally feel safe and comfortable again.

They got into Kagami's car and then begin the heavy day for Kuroko.

.

"T-Tetsu.. You came.."

Aomine heavily smiles as he saw Kuroko in the entrance with Kagami. Well, imagine your longest and heaviest—in memorial ways—ex come into your wedding after a very heavy break-up. It's heavy for both of them.

Kagami wraps his arm around Kuroko's shoulder and then Aomine notices it. He chuckles under his breath. Aomine sigh in relief.

Wait.

What did he relieved for?

Kuroko smiles to Kagami as Kagami asked Aomine where's the food later after the blessing.

 **SNAP**

Aomine freeze and then he finally knew what he relieved for.

 _Tetsu._

Used-to-be HIS Tetsu.

Still alive after that heavy day. But he can swear that Kuroko smell like hospital, which mean Kuroko seems like attempts of suicide like always and somehow get alive again.

"Ah, it's gonna start. Gotta go. Find your seat, Kagami and Tetsu", Aomine shows his biggest grin and he's excited, and on the other hand, Kuroko's chest feel like being hit by something sharp and something hard.

He saw the smile, the smile that he has been longing for so long. Kuroko bites his lips as his body trembles, but he managed to press it all down and being like usual—he thought.

.

After the wedding, all of the guests waiting outside for the bride and the groom. As soon as the door opens up, flower petals are being thrown everywhere and Aomine with Momoi smiling widely.

 _That should be me_

Aomine carries Momoi in a bridal style and they both laughing so happily.

 _I should be the one who stands there and being carried by Aomine-kun_

Momoi smiles widely and a hapiness tear going down to her beautiful peach cheek.

 _I should be the one who laugh and taking that ring_

Momoi throws the bouquet of flower and it arrives on a little girl's hands.

 _That should be me—_

And then, a familiar hand covers his eyes. A soft and warm familiar hand.

"Cry, Kurokocchi. You can cry.", after hearing that soothing and smooth voice coming, Kuroko grips that hand and he cries behind the crowd. He let it all flowing out from his chest after holding it back for so long.

"That should be me.. That should be me, Kise-kun.. I should be the one who receive that ring.. Aomine-kun laughs so widely like what he used to give me.. That should be me, holding his hands.. That should be me, throwing the bouquet.. That should be me that he kissed.. That should be me, to be his bride and carrying 'Aomine' name..", his voice cracking up and tears streaming down more from his eyes like a waterfall. A waterfall of sadness.

Kise asked Kagami to leave them alone and he got Kagami's permission. Kise takes Kuroko away, and Aomine notice it. He saw the tears, and a part of him, some part inside of him, breaking down.

A part of him tearing apart seeing Kuroko crying so hard at his wedding. He clutch his chest and then trying to forget it, now he got Satsuki in his hands, and his responsibilities are to make her happy.

.

Kise sits beside Kuroko and let Kuroko pouring everything out. He only pats Kuroko's head and let the anger and sadness all out.

After a few long minutes, finally Kuroko calmed down. But his eyes, even emptier than before and Kise somehow feeling so down because of that.

"Kurokocchi, let's have a drink after this ceremony. My treat-ssu~", Kise smiles sweetly and ruffles Kuroko's head. Kuroko think that it might be the best way to run away from this day, its better than locking self up again and attempting more suicide.

"Your treat, and i'll go, Kise-kun", Kuroko smiles a little bit and then fistbum Kise's arm.

"YAAAAYYY~~~! KUROKOCCHI~!", Kise squeals happily and then hugs Kuroko tightly. As usual, Kuroko pushed Kise's face away, "Kise-kun, you're too loud.", he said calmly.

Usually he will make a disgusted and troubled face by Kise's loud voice, but this time, this noisiness somehow is all that he need for now. It's been a long time since someone being so loud around him.

.

Instead of a bar, Kise and Kuroko went into a really good Restaurant & Hotel that was kind of famous in that area. Well, Kise got money so much that he doesn't know how to spend it, but seems like this time is the right time. Well, even though he waste ALL of his money, he will get them all as much as it was before from modelling and shooting next week.

"K-Kise-kun.. This is a very fancy restaurant.. I-i can't let you pay this all alone..", Kuroko looks at the restaurant's name and that's making him feel so small.

"Eh? But i already paid it all, Kurokocchi?", said Kise while tilting his head innocently. It's like, only paying 1 candybar for him.

Kuroko feels like he want to Ignite Pass Kise's face, but this place is not good if he make a scene. "So, what should i do to pay it all back, Kise-kun?", ask Kuroko.

Kise thinks for a while and then he snapped his fingers, "BE MY PARTNER FOR TONIGHT!", he said awfully cheerful.

Kuroko widens his eyes for a while and then he thinks. Well, seems like its not a bad thing to lift his mood up after such a breakdown day.

"Okay, Kise-kun.", he nods in agreement which is being replied by a loud yes from Kise.

But.

What kind of partner?

.

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. Chapter 4

**Saudade**

Disclaimer : Tadatoshi Fujimaki

Pairing : Hidden

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Romance, Mature, Lemon, Tragedy, Twisted.

Warning : I'm not good at tragedy, and this is fast-paced plot.

Rating : R18+ . !Continue at your own risk .!

By : Hikari Rin .

Read at Fanfiction . net Application in GooglePlay for a better view.

Notes : 'Warning = This chapter contains a longer story.' I'm sorry for a short hiatus because there's so much problems here and there, also, my country doesn't support so i need a long way to do to post a story. Thanks for you guys who keep supporting me and waiting J I hope this chapter won't be a disappointment.

.

 **CHAPTER 4**

.

Kise always watching Kuroko's movement, from eating, sitting, talking, and the way his eyes always closed when he's laughing.

'He's losing himself, isn't he', Kise thought.

"Ne, Kurokocchi~ Now all of the things are done, let's go up to our room-ssu! You should rest in a comfy place so you can relax!", Kise chirps out happily after he done finishing his glass of wine.

"What do you mean by 'our room'? We're not separating?", Kuroko tilts his head in confusion.

"If you're uncomfortable in one bed with me, i can sleep on the couch and i'll be fine, Kurokocchi~", Kise smiles and he—of course—doesn't want to force his will to Kuroko. He wants Kuroko to finally calm and let this all slowly slide.

"Ah... Thank you, Kise-kun..", Kuroko lowering his head.

"Jaa, let's go-ssu!", Kise stands up and offering his hand to Kuroko—which Kuroko take gladly and they go up to their room while holding hands like they used to do in Junior High School.

.

"Whoa.. Kise-kun.. It's really... Amazing..", Kuroko walks into the suite room and wandering around in awe—amazed about how beautiful the room is.

 _This must be really expensive_ , Kuroko thought and made a mental note that he'll say thanks to Kise much more later.

Kise takes off his tuxedo and hang it on the door as he loosen up his tie, throwing his body to the couch. Well, the couch is almost as comfortable as the bed, so sleeping on it will feels like the same.

Kuroko rubs the bed and then sitting on it—still captivated about how can there's a bed with a blanket that almost as soft as a feather. He want to spend the week on the bedroom and just reading, sleeping, snuggly—if only the price is not 'that' high.

"Oyasuminasai, Kurokocchi~", Kise smiles and then lays his head down on the chouch.

"Wait—Kise-kun!", Kuroko shouts and then walk towards Kise, and then he tugs Kise's shirt lightly.

"What is it, Kurokocchi?", Kise immediately sit down and taken aback by Kuroko's sudden loud voice. It's really rare to hear it.

"A-ano.. L-Let's sleep on the bed togehter... I mean, y-you paid it for us and it's too spacy for me alone..", Kuroko flustered a little bit as he twiddles with his thumb while looking down at the floor.

Kise widens his eyes and then smiles as he touch Kuroko's face, "You still need a warmth, aren't you?", he chuckles and then caress Kuroko's cheek—adoring how strong Kuroko has been for all these years and months despite how fragile-looking he is.

Now they decided to climb to the bed and then sigh in relief because their position just got so completely right and comfortable for them. Finally and slowly, both of them closing their eyes and dive into their Dream Land.

.

A sobbing sound can be heard faintly.

Sob.

Sniff.

Sob.

Sob.

Sniff.

Kise suddenly wakes up. He took a glance to the clock. '2.45 in the morning. Who's crying? Is it a ghost? Female ghost? No no no, it's a male high ptiched voice'

He felt someone grabbing his shirt and trembling. So he looks to his side and found the source of the voices.

"K-Kurokocchi..?"

Kuroko shivering, trembling, and.. crying. He started to mumbles incoherent words but then slowly his words become a little bit clearer that Kise can hear it faintly.

"N-No... D-Don't.."

"Don't... leave.. please.."

"Mom... mom.. why.. blood.."

"Don't.. go.. mom.. alone.."

"Fa..ther.. stop... please.."

Kise widens his eyes and then he frowns.

 _Is it..? Wait.. i can't think negatively.. But.. It might be it.._

Kise' eyes are tearing up and all he can see is a fragile and broken little boy, suffering from his nightmare that lurking inside his mind and creeping in his life. He wraps his arms around Kuroko tiny figure and hug him tightly and closely, like he's afraid that Kuroko might disappear into dust if he didn't do it. Gently, he pats Kuroko's back and singing lullabies to soothe the other.

Kuroko still gripping onto Kise's shirt tightly that his knuckles turns white, but slowly, his cries drifted off and he slowly falling asleep again.

After checking up Kuroko's condition, Kise kiss Kuroko's forehead with love and affection then continue his sleep.

 _I must protect him._

.

The morning finally come, the bird chirping and the sun shine brightly. The window has already been opened and the morning breeze gently caressing Kuroko's cheek.

With that bright condition, Kuroko slowly opening his eyes and then he yawns. He sit on the bed and looking out to the window.

"Kurokocchi!"

Kise's loud voice suddenly barging into the bedroom and making Kuroko flinched in surprise.

"I've made a breakfast for us-ssu! Come on~! Hurry up!", Kise pulls Kuroko by his hand and walks to the dining room. Such a five star hotel, huh?

Kuroko sits down on the chair and he looks at the food that being served infront of his face. "Kise-kun... Are these all made by you?"

Kise smiles widely and grins childishly, "Yeah! I've brought us some ingridients before you wok up and cook it all-ssu! I hope you like it~", Kise looks away as he swirls his forefinger nervously infront of his chest.

Kuroko chuckles softly and then spoon himself the curry with rice.

"Kise-kun...", Kise perked up and looks at Kuroko worriedly

"It's delicious.."

With that, Kise screams happily and making such a noise in the early morning.

"Ne, ne, ne, Kurokocchi~!", Kise grins and place his chin on his palm as he smiles brightly towards Kuroko, "Let's go out and refresh ourselves-ssu~!"

Kuroko silents for a while and then he nods. Maybe he really needs more air to calm his anxiety mind. Well... Kise's hughs last night was really great, but it's not that easy to calm him.

"Okay~! A date with Kurokocchi! You finish that breakfast and then prepare yourself, okay-ssu~? Hehehhe~", Kise's puppy's ears are popping out and it's twitching happily.

.

 **TOKYO NATIONAL THEME PARK**

It's the place that Kise already reserved since last night. If Kuroko doesn't want to go, he can just cancel it right away. The perks of being a super celebrity, huh?

"Kurokocchi~ Let's have fun-ssu~!", Kise squeals happily.

As expected from #1 famous Japanese World Wide Model, every eyes are on to him. Everyone is watching but none dares to go near him. Why? Kise's aura is not friendly with anybody expect Kuroko today.

Kuroko is not the type that likes to play in the place like this, but he wants to appreciate Kise's hardowrk, so maybe he'll try his best to push aside all of his nightmares and enjoying himself now.

"Ne, ne, ne, Kurokocchi~", Kise smiles brightly as he tugs at Kuroko's hand

"What is it, Kise-kun?", he answer calmly while his eyes are wandering around, trying to find something that attracting him even for a bit.

"Let's have fun, okay? Let's do everything and get crazy-ssu...", Kise somehow feel really concerned about Kuroko's presence, so he his tone is a little bit serious and sad and somehow sympathetic at the same time.

Kuroko smiles as he felt the sincere in Kise's eyes. So he nods as a faint smile sliding up into his lips.

"Okay, Kise-kun. Make sure you make me satisfied and happy.", he laughs softly and then Kise tackles him as usual—and he got a punch on his stomach like usual too.

.

It's already 7 PM and the last thing that Kuroko asked is to get into the Ferris Wheel. Kise ofcourse asked for it before the crew closed it and he got the approval.

They get into it and then Kuroko stares into the outside view from his seat. Kise who sit across him can only stares at him.

Kuroko lost in his own thoughts and sadness starts to creeping out from his deepest heart. He clencehs his teeth because he missed this place. The place where everything were starting anew and here he is again, facing his biggest memorial place.

"Kurokocchi?"

Kuroko snapped out from his thoughts and then he smiles at Kise, "Ah, yes, Kise-kun? Thanks for everything today. It's really fun.. I hope it last for a longer time..", he sigh.

Kise smiles and then took Kuroko's hands into his.

"Ne, Kurokocchi.. How about.. We re-new your memories here? Am i good enough for you to replace all the bitterness in your life? Am i capable enough for you to make you believe in me?", Kise looks at Kuroko in sincerity.

"K.. Kise-kun..", Kuroko somehow a little bit flustered against those sweetwords because he's not used to it anymore. And maybe.. giving himself and Kise a second chance of his life won't be that bad, right? I mean, God is not abandoning him, right?

"Um.. i.. i guess.. we can give it a shot..", Kuroko said as he scrates his cheek nervously.

Kise's smiles star to slowly cracking up into his face and then he immediately jumps into Kuroko.

"UWAAA KUROKOCCHI! I SWEAR I'LL MAKE YOU SUPER HAPPY IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!"

Kuroko softly chuckles and wraps his arms around Kise. Kise cups Kuroko's cheek and gently smiles towards him.

"Ne, Kurokocchi.. Is it too fast if i kiss you right here right now?"

Kuroko immediately blushed and he shrugs as he smile softly, "No, it's not, Kise-kun.."

Kise laughs softly and then he caress Kuroko's cheek with his thumb lovingly. "Close your eyes, Kurokocchi.. I'm shy-ssu..", he laughs nervously and then Kuroko closes his eyes.

But just as soon as he closes his eyes and Kise getting closer, another face came into his head. Kuroko immediately pushes Kise away harsly as he broke into cold sweat and his panic attacks start to show up.

Kise widen his eyes and he notice the change in Kuroko's behavior and features. He immediately understand it.

Kuroko can't do it.

He still can't do it.

He can't do it with anyone else than Aomine-kun yet.

He's not ready.

 _God. Help me._

"I-i'm.. a-..ano.. i-i'm sorry, Kise-kun..", he looks down in guilt and shame, trying to calm down his panic attacks.

Kise smiles and caress Kuroko's head lovingly, "It's fine, Kurokocchi. We can take it slowly, that's why i'm here, no?", he laughs softly.

"How about we have a dinner next week after my schedule? My treat-ssu~!", Kise gleams in happiness.

"O..Okay..", Kuroko still looking down at the floor and start to feel even worse than before.

"Nee, let's go home, okay? Today is a fun day and i hope you enjoy yourself too, Kurokocchi~ I'll drive you home-ssu~", Kise takes Kuroko's hands with him and walks with Kuroko to his car.

.

After dropping Kuroko by his house, Kise waves and smiles brightly to Kuroko. After checking that Kuroko goes inside safely, Kise drives away.

He stopped for a while after a few hundred meters away and then he bangs his forehead to the steering wheel. He grits his teeth and clench the steer wheel with his becoming-with fists.

"Aomine.. Daiki.. I'll make you fucking regret your fucking stupid choice.. I'll make you regret it to your grave.. and I'll make Kuroko even happier.."

And then he swore under his breath and he start to laughs.

What did Kise think about?

.

 **To be Continued**


	5. Chapter 5

**Saudade**

Disclaimer : Tadatoshi Fujimaki

Pairing : Hidden

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Romance, Mature, Lemon, Tragedy, Twisted.

Warning : I'm not good at tragedy, and this is fast-paced plot.

Rating : R18+ for suicide thoughts . !Continue at your own risk .!

By : Hikari Rin .

Read at Fanfiction . net Application in GooglePlay for a better view.

Notes : Oh my God, IM SO SORRY! I've been having troubles with myself and my family that i always got writer-block! It's been 6 months since the last time i updated, so i will update again now! Once again, i'm so sorry for the grammar mistakes~ English is not my main language~

.

 **CHAPTER 5**

.

They've been dating for 11 months and 3 weeks now.

Everything is really smooth. They went into small dates or even luxurious date—the ones that Kuroko always hate because he felt so small inbetween rich people.

They share kisses and cuddling everytime the got a chance to. They miss each other and they care for each other. And the most dangerous thing for Kuroko is, he felt 'safe'.

.

It's been a week since the last date, 6 days since the last time Kuroko talked with Kise, and Kuroko hadn't got any new news from his boyfriend since then, Kise Ryouta.

He's been sitting on his sofa, eating whatever he had, go to bathroom, sleep, and constantly checking his phone.

 _Am i still not enough for Kise-kun? Where is he?_ , Kuroko thought.

 _Tonight should be our first anniversary, if he didn't like me anymore, he could've just dumped me right away after a few weeks or months._

Just as he's about to dive into his own world, his phone buzzing and his eyes are lightened up again in a miliseconds. When he pick his phone up and reading the name label that appeared on the screen, a small smile appear on his small baby face.

"Hel—"

"TETSUYACCHIIII~! I MISS YOU SO MUCH-SSU!", Kise literally scream into the phone and Kuroko needs to put away his phone for a while.

"Kise-kun.. I miss you too..", Kuroko giggles softly and keep smiling as he pull his legs into his chest, making him sit in a fetal position.

"How are you, my dear Tetsuya? Are you still up for the dinner date that i've been offering for you?"

"Hm... I think i'm down for it, Kise-kun."

"CALL! Then i'm going to pick you up after my last photoshoot, okay, Tetsuyacchi~? I love you~!", and Kise ended the phone with a kiss on the phone.

It sent butterflies into Kuroko's stomach alive again, and he liked it. It made him a little bit alive and feel like he's needed.

Everytime they called, everytime Kuroko felt Kise's hands wrapped around his small hands, everytime Kise looked into Kuroko's eyes, everytime Kise is THERE, Kuroko is happy. He felt this small happiness and bubbles in his stomach.

He put his phone down and then getting ready, taking a bath and then contemplanting on what clothes that he should wear for the dinner date. After a while, he finally choose a black skinny jeans and a baggy white sweater with fluffy materials that fall until his mid thigh and a little bit showing up his milky white collarbone. It's not that amazing, but it fits his small posture.

He decided to sit down on the sofa and turning on the TV while waiting for his prince to come and pick him up.

Just as the TV turned on, he can feel his heart torn into pieces.

" **Kise Ryouta, Japan's #1 Model got into a dating scandal with his female co-worker!** ", the TV said like it's mocking Kuroko's existence.

Another piece of his heart is falling down again.

" **There's a hot news! Kise Ryouta, got into a dating scandal with this female! We tried to contact their company for any new information, please wait for our new update later!** "

 _It hurts_.

The stinging on his heart.

Everytime he took a breath, it hurts.

" **Is this rumour true?! Kise Ryouta finally find himself a girlfriend! We will try to confirm this from his company! Stay tune!** "

Kuroko just stare at the screen silently. No, he's not crying. It feels like he's numb again. Those butterflies are like being held down by a big rock.

He just stare.

Stare.

And feel.

.

The door's bell finally ring and Kuroko got up silently, checking his face on the mirror and put on his usual smile.

He's trying to pretend that the news aren't there in the first place.

He opened the door and was greeted by Kise that panting like he's been running from something. Without saying anything, Kise barged into the apartment and close the door behind him.

Kuroko got a little bit startled from the action and look at Kise with a skeptical eyes.

"What happened, Kise-kun?"

"A-Ah, Tetsuyacchi. I think we should just delivery the food here-ssu. Hehehe", Kise laughs brightly like there was NOTHING outside.

If only Kise look into Kuroko's eyes more intently, he will see the disappointment in the smaller's eyes. Well, this should be their night, so what did he expect other than go out and being spoiled?

Kuroko just smile and trying to be an understanding boyfriend he is. After all, he doesn't want to be dumped again, does he?

"Okay then, Kise-kun. Then i will change into something more comfortable. If anything, please feel at home—Ah no, without i tell you that, you will barge yourself in and making yourself feel at home. You know where's the bathroom, right?", Kuroko sent the blond the most reassuring smile ever.

Kise got so dumbstruck at that smile that he freeze for a second right there.

 _Did i just see an angel?_ , he dumbly thought.

 _He's so pretty.._

 _Why's Tetsuya so pretty?_

 _Aiissh, why did i even got a little bit taken aback with that female?_

 _Gosh, Tetsuya is so pretty_

 _I really want to kiss him and just hug hi—_

"Kise-kun?"

Kise's train of thoughts finally come into a halt when he heard Kuroko's voice again.

"A-Ah, yes? O-oh sorry. I will use the bathroom then, Tetsuyacchi~", Kise leans forward and kiss Kuroko's temple.

 _Uwaaa.. Even his hair feel so soft and the scent is really good_ , Kise thought again.

Kuroko just tug his lips into a small smile and the pang in his chest is still there. He silently hums as an answer to Kise and he pads softly into his bedroom.

Kise got into the bathroom and start to take a bath. Just as he got into a shower, he got into a debate with his self.

 _Ugh.. Do i really love Tetsuyacchi though? I mean, girls are still sexier after all. He got an anthena like i do down there, and it's just a big turn off. But his face is prettier than any female that i've ever met._

He splash his face and then start to shampoo-ing his hair.

 _Well, it's not like i will demand for a sex with him, but still... UGHHH! I'm so confused-ssu!_

He finally let out his pent of frustration out by showering aggressively.

.

Kuroko changed into a short boxer and a plain t-shirt. He stopped moving for a while and stare at his reflection at the full-body mirror infront of him.

 _I'm getting older and uglier.._

 _It's no wonder that Kise-kun choose that female over me.._

 _Who even will choose me?_

 _If only i could be born with perfect body and being a female so i could be normal.._

He sighed for the nth time that day and he walks out. He still heard the shower so he assumed that Kise is still showering.

 _Maybe this is a rough day for him. I should cook for him._

He smiles bitterly to himself and then walks softly into the kitchen and start to make some food for both of them.

.

After 20 minutes of showering, Kise finally out from the bathroom, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a baggy black shirt.

He came out with a dazzling view of dishes on the dinner table.

"Please enjoy the meal, Kise-kun.", Kuroko sent Kise a smile from across the table.

"Uwaa... It's really good, Tetsuyacchi...", Kise smile and he can feel himself drooling. It might be not a really expensive looking ones, but you know, handmade cookings always more heart-fluttering than anything.

Kuroko smiles as Kise took a seat in front of him,

"I've been trying my best, Kise-kun. I hope you do not die on me tonight."

"Eeeehh.. Kowai-ssu yo...", Kise shivers and then pick up chopsticks.

"Itadakimasu~!", Kise said brightly and then start to eat.

"How is it?", Kuroko place his elbows on the table and he put his chin on his palm, cupping his own face and smile brightly, making his adorable cheeks puffed out.

Kise coos at the sight and sent him a thumb and make his face in a serious manner.

Kuroko laughs at that and he keep watching Kise eating all of his food wholeheartedly.

"You're not eating, Tetsuyacchi?"

"Iie... I just drink some milk and eat some of the meat while cooking. You took so much time inside the bathroom, Kise-kun..", Kuroko gave Kise the cutest pout ever and Kise coos at that again.

Kuroko lied.

He didn't eat.

He didn't drink anything.

Because he felt disgusting.

He want to be as pretty and as slim as that female.

He can't eat.

He can't consume any fat.

It's digusting.

Kise, being a dumb he is, didn't notice any insecurities that Kuroko have been hiding from him for a whole last month.

.

They finally done eating—more like, Kise pick up the dirty dishes and start to wash it on the sink.

"Tetsuyacchi. Let's cuddle later, okay~?", Kise nuzzles his nose against Kuroko's nape and whines like a puppy he is as he wraps his arms tightly against the small frame by Kuroko's waists.

Kuroko shudders as he felt Kise's hot breath against his nape, after all, it's his sensitive place. The electrical feeling that crawls down from his nape towards his tail bone making him whimper a little bit.

"Kise-kun, i'm washing the knife right now. Go away to bed before i decided that stabbing you is better than cuddling with you"

Kise yelped and then laughs as he dive into the bedroom and snuggles against the bed, making himself comfortable under the cover.

He heard his phone buzzed again and he checked on the name, and he smiles. He looks at the door and he can hear the clattering of the plates on the sink, so he guessed that Kuroko will come by a little bit later.

So he pick it up.

"Hey, Ryouta baby~", the female said from the other side.

"Hey, baby~ what are you doing? I'm sorry if i left you that fast~ I can't let the paparazzis caught us. I mean, i still have a boyfriend.", Kise chuckles.

"Awe~ That's so sad~ I'm lonely here, Ryoutaa~ Come by tomorrow~? Okaay~?", she said with much flirtatious tone she can make.

"Okay then, baby girl~ I will go there tomorrow~"

"Don't bring your boyfriend, okay?"

"Of course, you stupid. I'll make sure that he won't know about us~"

Little did Kise know, Kuroko hear everything.

.

Kuroko wait outside and leans against the wall, waiting for his boyfriend to done calling with his... girlfriend.

So much irony.

He was dumped again for a female for the second time in his life.

He looks at the floor, finding that it's more interesting than everything.

 _Am i really that not worth it?_

 _Even a person like Kise choose a female above me._

 _It hurts.._

Kuroko grips the shirt right above his beating heart.

 _I don't wan't to breath.. Why is it so hurt.._

He can feel his tears are threatening to fall, so he quickly wipes it up and take a deep breath. He can hear that Kise is saying bye and putting down his phone.

He gave Kise a few seconds and then he got into the bedroom like he didn't know anything.

"Kise-kun.. I'm sleepy..", Kuroko said as he softly walks towards the bed and rubbing his eyes like a little kid.

Kise smiles towards the cute behaviour of his small and petite boyfriend. He opened his arms wide enough and smiles brightly, "Tetsuyacchi~ Come here~"

Kuroko looks at the other and then he climbs up into the bed, going up to Kise's stomach and using the other's body as his bed. Kise coos and wrap his arms around his boyfriend's body and singing softly to lull the other to sleep.

Kuroko looks at the wall beside them and cringe when he felt another pang on his chest.

 _If only i can sleep and forget this all.._

He close his eyes and let a small drop of tear fall as he felt himself finally succumbing into sleep.

 _Please.. God, please.. Let tomorrow be a calm day for me.. I'm tired of hurting.._

.

 **TO BE CONTINUE.**


End file.
